Tuesday, May 26, 2020

It has been a hell of a week!

Our 15-year-old granddaughter Olivia had been staying with us since the beginning of April. She ran away from home in very early March. It sounds silly but things were "okay" until the coronavirus lock-downs began. Her parents knew where she was (sort of) and she was in some sort of communication. When  schools closed and her therapy sessions were suspended, it became a very scary situation. She agreed to come live with us. At least she would be with family and on an island with no place to run to.

After a short while, the island, in lock-down, became overly oppressive. She wanted to go back to the mainland. We were all pretty sure she just wanted back so she could run away again. She talked with her mother nearly every day. In a three-way conversation with her mom and her therapist, Olivia finally agreed to come home and stay home. Last Wednesday, we put her on a plane to Baltimore. Her mom picked her safely at the airport. When they got home, Olivia asked for a few minutes alone before she went in. Her mom said ok and went in the house.

Somewhere between Monday when she found out she was going back and Wednesday afternoon, she arranged for some one to pick her up with a car. Within five minutes she was gone. She never even got a foot in the door.

PANIC! She was in the wind and no one had any idea where. There were some indications she might be headed either to Virginia or New York with people who may or may not be adults. Police were called.

But...

Because she continued to post on Instagram and to have limited contact with her mother, the police did not believe she was in trouble. There was no indication she was in danger. She was "just a run-away" which is not illegal.

Since then, she has continued contact with her mother. The belief is she is not far from home. There is no indication she is running farther. Even though we don't know exactly where she is, for a number of reasons (if we aggressively try to find her, she may run truly in the wind. If we find her and bring her home, then what? How do we keep her from running away again?) the decision was made to leave her "in place" as long as she continues to communicate.

That was Wednesday, May 20.

Ben and his mother last September.

A few days before, on Saturday, Elaine went to visit our nephew Ben in the hospital. It's been difficult to get any real information but Elaine did talk to his nurses and they said, "We may be looking at hospice." As soon as Elaine told me, I called my sister, Ben's mother, and said "You need to get here." His sister Annie and Maggie got here on Tuesday. His mother came Friday afternoon, May 22, and got to the hospital around 5:00 PM. Ben died a few minutes after 9:00 PM.  His nearly year-long struggle with cancer was over.

“Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted. It comes and goes on its own schedule. Grief does not obey your plans, or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love.
   
The only way that I can “handle” Grief, then, is the same way that I “handle” Love — by not “handling” it. By bowing down before its power, in complete humility.

When Grief comes to visit me, it’s like being visited by a tsunami. I am given just enough warning to say, “Oh my god, this is happening RIGHT NOW,” and then I drop to the floor on my knees and let it rock me. How do you survive the tsunami of Grief? By being willing to experience it, without resistance." --Elizabeth Gilbert

Grief is a funny terrible thing. Some people need to separate themselves, isolate, to have space and solitude to grieve and process. Others want to surround themselves with friends and loved ones. Sometimes those two different needs crash head-on into each other. We've had a bit of that. My sister and nieces want to batten down in San Juan. We want to be with them, all of us together sharing this grief. They feel we're intruding; we feel left out.  It's a funny, terrible thing.

May 31, Update: As happens a lot these days, after I started writing this, I got sidetracked. The next day, May 27, Olivia was found. Someone recognized her from a police bulletin and called the "tip line." She was in Newport News, Virginia, about three-and-a-half hours from home in Tacoma Park, Maryland. We don't know exactly how she got there. Police picked her up and held her until her mother got there to take her home.

So for now, she is safe and at home. It's not pretty and there is a lot of hard work ahead. But she is safe. That is at least one less thing to I have to worry about.

Ben's body was cremated on Friday.

Friday, May 1, 2020

Nearly two months in and the lockdown in Puerto Rico has been extended until May 25.

HOWEVER - as of today outdoor exercise - walking, walking dogs, jogging, biking, etc. - are now allowed. That means I don't have to hide from the police boat when I take the dogs for a morning walk on the beach. It's funny: today's walk really felt freer and was much less tense, much more relaxed, without having to worry about getting busted. Honestly, we were only bothered one day but the "threat" was always there. Now - WOOHOO! The beaches are still closed to activities like surfing, snorkeling, and scuba diving though.

Some businesses, mostly one-on-ones like attorneys, insurance agents, engineers, and realestated offices can open by appointment starting Monday.

Things are starting to loosen up.

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Spring in the time of coronavirus II

In many ways this is a stranger time than the year after the hurricane. After the hurricane, we had no electricity, no Internet, sometimes no water, and only limited contact with the outside world. We had no real news. Within our own small contexts, we had contact, companionship, community, family. We could come together to help each other do what needed to be done, to care for each other, to help each other get through the grief and the fear and the darkness.

In this strange time we have all those things we were missing - electric, water, Internet, TV, news. (Although how "real" any of the news is is debatable.) But - by design and intent - we have very little human contact.

It's surreal. In a place where cheek kisses and invasions of personal space are the norm, people now stand apart from each other, trying to ignore the person closest to them because that person might be infected or might be a carrier. We cannot, we are forbidden to come together for comfort.

The fear - and the danger - are real. But they are exacerbated by a national government more focused on the "leader's" self-image than the national welfare. The media - the "news" - is either down-playing the threat or over-hyping the sensational. Either way, it is not helpful.

The "social-distancing," whether imposed from within or by decree as it is here in Puerto Rico, is already taking a toll. And there is no end in sight.

We are actually quite fortunate. Our finances are not dependent on a pay-check-to-pay-check job. And we don't live in an apartment. Our house is open and airy; we have a yard for our dogs to play in. We have 22 acres of ranch that we can be in without "leaving home." In fact, to tend to the well-being of our horses, we have to be out in the farm. So we have it much better than many others. And we have each other.

But I miss going out with friends to Ola Lola's. Or dinner with Carole. I miss our Horses of Hope volunteers and riders. I wish we could bring them to the ranch. But you know what I mean. I'm sure you're in the same state of isolation (unless you're doing spring break in Florida). We're all in it together, even if we're separated. And we're in it for the long haul.

Stay safe.

 Spring in the time of coronavirus

Sunday, February 23, 2010

 Diving two days in a row! Sort of...

 

Our daughter Amy was here with Kennedy and Kai this week. They had lots of plans and not much time so we didn't get to spend as much time with them as we would have liked. On Friday I did get to do something I've waited a whole year to do: I introduced them to scuba diving. After seeing them snorkel last year I knew we had to try it. To keep it easy and safe we went to our friend Carole's pool. It's only about four feet deep but they got the sense of being under the water. After some initial jitters, they took to it like, well, fish to water. Next time they come back I'm hoping we can go in the ocean. We just didn't have time for a second dive this time around. 

Saturday morning I just took off and went diving by myself. I didn't even care if I saw anything. I just needed to be in the water. It was maybe the best hour I've spent since the last time I dove back at the beginning of January. And of course I did see stuff, like this tarpon.

Carole and I tried to go snorkeling before the next round of waves set it. The waves started building earlier than expected, stirring up the water and reducing visibility, especially near shore where we would go. So we abandoned that idea. I'm keeping watch for the next opportunity; we both nee some quality Vitamin Sea therapy. 

I'm not complaining though. I moved one dive closer to 500. I need roughly two dives a week the rest of year to reach 500.

Wednesday February 19, 2020

We lost a member of our pack today - the Great and Wonderful Oz.

Chow chows are not high on my list of dog breed, not a breed I would choose. But 10 years ago the universe decided we needed this Chow. Or maybe he needed us. On Thanksgiving Day, 2009, he was dumped in our front yard at Ola Lola's (there is a special corner of Hell for people who just abandon animals by the side of the road). Chows have a reputation for being aggressive but this guy was the most shy, timid Chow we'd ever seen. He would lie in the grass in front of Ola Lola's until any person would come by. Then he'd get up and disappear to a little den he created for himself in the jungle by our fence. For weeks every time a car went by he would sit up and look to see if his humans were coming back for him.

We put food and water out for him. Over time he came to trust Elaine and our friend Mary and would take food from their hands. But as soon as the other hand moved, he was up and gone. We could see he was sick and wanted to take him to the vet. It took us until March to "catch" him so we could get him treated -  even after four months it wasn't easy!

Elaine did catch him. We got him to the vet, treated him for just about every know parasite including heart worm, and eventually got him healthy. Slowly, he became part of our pack. I took him to the beach with Amber and Jazz. He had his own beach walk agenda that had nothing to do with ours. If he decided he was done for that day, he'd turn around and head home by himself. Amber, Jazz and I would come home and find him laying in the barport.

For a while at night he liked to be put out front on a rope. One night I heard him barking at the gate. I checked on him. There he was, sitting at the gate, waiting to be let in. From that night on he stayed in the yard and the house. He was truly part of the pack.

After Amber died after the hurricane. when I took Oz to the beach, he would go to their favorite spot and look for them. Even though they were never, close buds, they were still "family."

Over the past couple of years, Oz's hips and back legs have slowly gotten worse. For the last few months he's needed help getting up to eat or get a drink or do his business. He would back to ask for help. In the past couple of weeks even with help he could barely get up or stand. He lost most of his hearing and his sight wasn't good. Sometimes he seemed confused about where he was. Still, we waited for him to tell us when it was time.

Three nights ago he started having seizures. He pretty much lost control of his sphincters. Beginning yesterday morning and through last night, he gave us very clear signs he was done with it. He stopped eating. He stopped trying to get up. He stopped barking for help.

This morning our vet came to the farm and helped us help him. His spirit is now running with Amber and Jazz and our friends' boxer Charlie. No more pain. No more confusion.

Thank you, Oz, for being such an amazing wonderful part of our lives. We miss you already but have 10 years of awesome memories. Rest now. You deserve it.

Sunday, January 12, 2020

 This photo has pretty much nothing to do with this post. It's just a cool photo of the ocean yesterday.

First, the important stuff: In the midst of all the earthquakes in Puerto Rico you may or may not have read about, we are fine. We have felt some of the larger quakes; several of them shook the house. But we are fine and safe.

So our saga begins before this current round of earthquakes (although a number of smaller quakes have been happening in the same area since December). Spin back to last Friday. I was on the road back from San Juan visiting Ben with a friend. A cop on the road next to me noticed that my marbete, the annual registration sticker, was expired. He pulled me over to tell me. Now, he could have been a nice guy and reminded me, but no. He wrote $350 worth of tickets. And, he did what they do here to convince you to actually get your registration: he took the license plate off the car. Once you get the new marbete, you can get your plate back and actually get the tickets waived.

The DMV used to mail the new registration form as a reminder. They stopped doing that. With the holidays and everything else, I/we simply forgot it was due, My friend told me we could get the new form online so Friday night I tried - unsuccessfully - to get the form online. That meant Elaine, because the car is her name, would have to go to the DMV on Monday to get the form. That would add a whole extra day to the process. Then we had to take the car to a local inspection place, get the new marbete, and drive halfway back across the island to get the plate back and start the process of getting the tickets waived.

Somewhere in the middle of Friday night I had a brainstorm about what we might be doing wrong with the online form. WEPA! Got that fixed, got the form, off to the inspection station on Saturday, cutting that extra day off the process. It took some work but we finally got through the inspection, got the new marbete, and we're good to go on Monday.

Now we get to the earthquake part.

In just over hours beginning Monday morning there were six earthquakes off Guanica and Ponce on the south side of the island measuring M4.5 or larger. The largest was a M6.5 just before 4:30 AM. We felt that one. It rocked the house. It was followed by M5.0, M4.5, M6.0, and M5.8 aftershocks. (The aftershocks in that same range have continued all week.)

The big one knocked out power island wide. It is estimated that at one point 97% of the island was without electricity.

The earthquake severely damaged the largest power-generating plant on the island, the Costa Sur plant. It generated about 40% of the island's electricity. That is a lot of generating capacity to lose at one time. The electric authority is trying workarounds and trying to ramp up generating at other facilities. It's not like they can buy electricity from neighboring states. And unlike post-Maria where the problem was downed transmission lines, this problem is with generating capacity. The lines are there. There's just nothing to fill them with. Engineers initially said the Costa Sur plant may not be repairable. Later reports said it may take a year to repair it.

The governor declared a state of emergency. All government offices and schools were closed. Traffic lights were out. Lines immediately formed at gas stations. These were nasty, panicky lines, not the friendly we're-all-in-this-together lines after Maria. A friend whose family owns the gas station up the road was directing traffic with a gun in his hand.

We lost power before the trembling stopped. But hey - we have experience living without electricity. And we are grateful! Our house is not damaged. We are not sleeping outside or in our car. We have water - a third of the island didn't have water because of the loss of power to pumping stations.

A lot of people are freaking out. I'm sure the PTSD is kicking in for people who were here post-Maria. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people really are sleeping on the ground or in cars because they are afraid to be inside. Some don't have an inside to go to.

Elaine's other non-profit, Calorcito p'al Corazon, was created to take blankets into emergency rooms in hospitals locally. Yesterday we packed up 100 blankets and one of the volunteers and her husband and sister took them to Ponce to distribute.  We heard from her last night they are back safe in Isabela. They were too tired last night to give us details.

How does all this connect to the license plate story? Without electricity, all government offices, including the one that has my license plate are closed. We heard (a rumor) that office was open on Thursday so I drove to Arecibo in the truck. Nope. Locked up tighter that Ft. Knox. There really is no way to find out if they're open or not except to drive there. They don't answer the phones in the best of times.That's an hour-and-a-half round trip and a lot of gas to find out they are closed. So still no license plate.Our car is a big paper weight sitting out front.

Electricity is slowly coming back. We got power back at 10:00 PM Friday, lost it for for four hours on Saturday, then got it back again. We're hoping this time it's here to stay. But again, not everybody in Isabela has light yet. Hopefully, Arecibo will get light this week and we can end this saga.

Monday, December 30, 2019 Time for reflection

As the year and the decade draw to a close, 'tis the season for reflection.

I love finding reflections almost as much as I like finding waves crashing over rocks.

Sunday, December 29, 2019

The clouds this time of year are so amazing! Christmas Eve after the hurricane I was driving to be with our friends Carole and Rolf and I saw this:

I thought, "We may not have electricity or Christmas lights. But we have this!"

Friday, December 27, 2019

Elaine, Maggie, Annie, and Ben

We had an amazing wonderful Christmas Day - visiting hospitals!

First, we took Christmas dinner - turkey done Puerto Rican style, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and home-made cranberry sauce - for Ben and his sisters Annie and Maggie. Ben was in a great mood and ate more than I've seen him eat in months!

Then we went to the Veteran's Hospital to see our friend Chris and his wife Isabel.

Both visits were fun with lots of laughter and joy and love - just what Christmas Day should have.

Boxing Day (yesterday) was quiet, cool and rainy all day so we really didn't do much. I planned a day-after-Christmas scuba dive but the rains washed that out. I know, I'm going to get wet anyway so what difference does a little rain make? Actually, diving in the rain is kinda fun. It's fun to roll over and watch the raindrops hit the water from underneath. In this case though, it was enough rain to mess up visibility.

Today was pretty quiet too. That's not all bad.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

December dawn

Mornings have been clear and comfortably cool. I love getting to the beach early to see what Mother Nature gives us to start the day.

Friday, December 6, 2019

On a golden beach. Sunrise on Baño de la Princessa, one of the beaches Coda and I walk a lot.

Elaine, Carole, and I went snorkeling yesterday. We did see lots of fish but visibility is still pretty bad. So, no pictures.

Medical updates: Ben is back in the hospital. His cancer is spreading and not responding to treatment the way his doctors and medical team hoped. They are "starting over" running all new scans, tests, and getting new biopsies, literally looking at everything. From this should come a new, more aggressive treatment protocol.

Our friend Chris is out of ICU. He has started physical therapy and is standing for short periods. His mind is ready to get out of the hospital and start moving on. Unfortunately, his body isn't quite there yet. Horses of Hope/Caballos de Esperanza, Elaine's therapeutic riding center, just got a grant for a year of equine-assisted therapy for Chris. At the same time, he will be paid as a consultant to help develop and improve the therapy so we can better serve other people - especially veterans - with disabilities.

Waiting now for the latest set of waves to subside so we can get back in the water.

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Hello, December.

Good-bye, hurricane season!

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

I had not been in the water since mid-September! No wonder my nerves are jangled! Last week I got in three times in four days.

First, I snorkeled at Crashboat. I've known for a long time there was a sunken sugar barge somewhere in the area but I didn't know exactly where it was. How could I not know?!? Part of it actually sticks up above the surface.

It looks like jagged dragon's teeth. In fairness (to myself at least) the sticky-up parts blend in with the rocks around it, especially from a distance.

The wreck is bigger than I expected it to be. It is right up against the shore in very shallow water. All wrecks have some inherent dangers. The biggest issue with the barge is waves and surge knocking you into something you'd rather not bang into.

On Saturday I took Paola (one of our Horses of Hope volunteers) to Wishing Well. Shed had a tough week and (like me) needed a little Vitamin Sea therapy. It was only her third time snorkeling and we saw a turtle. She loved it! I'm guessing she'll be back.

On Sunday Carole and her niece Caroline and I tried to snorkel at Playa Borinquen. Well, we did snorkel, just not for very long. The in and out were a little sketchy and visibility was pretty bad so we cut the swim short. But we did see a turtle!

 Waves are back up so it will be a few days before we can get back in the water.


Update on our friend Chris: He is now awake and talking (as best he can). He is off the ventilator. He is feisty and itching to get out of the hospital. The internal issues they were concerned about - gall bladder, fluid in his lungs - have resolved themselves without further intervention or surgery. He needs one more surgery on his leg but then hopefully he will be moved out of ICU and into a room. Keep thinking good thoughts!

Saturday, November 9, 2019

I am just wrung out, physically but especially emotionally. Surviving Maria had nothing on this.

I think you know about our nephew Ben's lymphoma. Twice a week we leave Aguadilla at 5:00 AM to drive to San Juan for treatment. Other days, depending on the week, there are other trips to local laboratories and doctors. There are some issues peripheral to the cancer that are causing him a lot of problems. We've been trying to get these dealt with but the whole "gotta have a Primary Care Physician who will sign off on this" thing - whatever the thing is, an X-ray, MRI, prescription, whatever - has stymied us. He was assigned a PCP when he first got insurance but we've never been able to talk to her. She's two towns over so it's almost as bad as going to San Juan (not really; nothing here is as bad as driving to San Juan in the morning). It took us a month to get a new PCP. Now we're trying to get her up to speed on all that's going on. We're also trying to transfer Ben's care to an oncologist in Aguadilla so we don't have that drive twice a week. Guess what! You need a PCP to request the transfer! It's been frustrating for all of us, including his doctors in San Juan.

One of the on-going issues is a really painful swollen knee. We've been trying to get an MRI of the knee for two months. Guess what! We need the orders to come from the PCP which we didn't have until a week ago if we want insurance to pay for it. We could pay out of pocket but that ain't happenin'. Because at this point no one knows what's causing the swelling, his doctors cannot rule out that it is related to the cancer.  Tired of waiting on the PCP merry-go-round, yesterday after his treatment they admitted him to the hospital. Now he's under their care, their treatment. They can order whatever tests they want and don't need a PCP to sign off. He will finally get the MRI he's waited two months for. He may have to wait three more days: it's the weekend and Monday is a holiday so ain't nothin' gonna happen 'til Tuesday.

If anybody says, "oh that's healthcare in Puerto Rico" I will smack them. This is all base on U.S. healthcare and insurance models.

In mid October Elaine's cousin Monica found out she had a brain tumor. A little over a week after her diagnosis she had brain surgery. Needless to say, it was a shock to everyone, especially Monica! Monica has been the senior health reporter for WKYC TV in Cleveland for more than 20 years. She started reporting on her diagnosis, treatment, surgery, and recovery from day one. She is recovering. Her spirit is truly incredible. She is in pain but has stopped taking any kind of opioid. As she said, as the reporter who broke the story of how bad the opioid crisis is in northeast Ohio, it would not do for her to get hooked. She still has problems with her vision (part of the tumor was attached to her optical nerve and could not be removed) but with help, she gets out and walks every day.

Two weeks ago tomorrow a very dear friend of ours was in a horrific motorcycle accident here. Chris is a champion rider and horse- and people-trainer. He is also an Army EOD (Explosive Ordinance Demolition) tech. That means for fun he takes apart bombs. As a result of the accident, doctors had to amputate his right arm (yes, he is right-handed). I saw him yesterday. He has a long long road ahead but he will be back riding and training. He is strong and tough.

So all of you - please please be careful. Stay well and healthy. I can't take much more of this.

There is good news though. Our son Jason and his wife are expecting a new baby this week. We can't wait for the news of our new grandson! And we found out last night our daughter Sara and her new bride are expecting. After all the stories they've heard, they didn't expect the IVF to take the first time but apparently it did. We are so incredibly happy for Jason, Hannah, Sara, and Katie! And us!

Sunday, October 20, 2019 a music rabbit hole

As long as I'm gong down a music rabbit hole, I read that Ginger Baker died last week. Baker was the drummer for Cream and then Blind Faith. He was the first great rock-n-roll drummer I really got to know and was the first "superstar" drummer  He was the first drmmeri saw use two kick bass drums. He could do more with his feet than a lot of drummers could do with their hands. 

He had a pretty ragged tough life. I think a lot of people were surprised he lived as long as he did. So another one from that era gone. 

Saturday, October19, 2019 A Hurricane memory

I'm not sure why this popped up now. but it did so...

A while back I wrote that with no Internet, no electricity, no radio, one of the things we all craved was music. Even when stores like Wal-mart opened again, there wero little portable battery-operated CD/radios available. I finally ordered one from Amazon.

When it came, Elaine was still in the States, I was here taking care of the animals and getting whatever work done I could. This was the first song I played on my new CD player. And I played it over and over and over. I just need that reminder that There wer epeoplewho had it worse than I did and that we all need to help each other. There was so much good that surrounded us after the hurricane. This was both a reminder to pass it on and to be grateful. As if I needed reminders for either.

The other things I wanted to hear right away were the orginal cast albums of Les Miz and Phantom of the Opera.

Then I stared playing my "Waiting for the Hurricane" mix CDs. Boy, did those have new meanings!

The past few weeks have been largely full of our nephew Ben, driving back and forth to San Juan. Some day soon I will post the saga of our adventure on Tuesday. For now, you'll just have to wait for it.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Mother Ocean has been beautiful this week. Hope the surfers are having fun.

The colors have been incretible!

I have a couple of days with limited morning commitments. May a request a few days without waves so I can go dive or at least snorkel?

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Is this a great place to live or what?

For the last week, Mama Ocean has been in a mood, roiling, throwing wave after wave against the coast.

Last night we felt a M6.3 earthquake that was followed by M5.1, M4.7 and M4.5 aftershocks. In fact, according to earthquaketrack.com, we have had 33 earthquakes, ranging from M2.7, M3.2, M3.3 up to the M6.3, in the last 24 hours alone.

If that weren't enough, Tropical Storm Karen is about to hit the island. All indications are that Karen is pretty much a non-event as tropical storms go. Some wind - maybe 30 mph on the east end of the island, some rain -a couple of inches, again on the east side. The forecast for our side is 10 mph winds and scattered thunderstorms this afternoon.

I mean really - how many places can you get a magnitude 6+ earthquake and a tropical storm all in the same day?

And this morning Mama Ocean was the cleanest and calmest she's been in days. Coda and I went for our morning walk at Shacks Beach and it was flat enough to snorkel.

Go figure. It probably won't last long. Once Karen get past the island tonight she'll make some waves. The surfers will be happ.